Revitalizing the Worn-Out Leader

In recent coaching conversations, my clients have expressed their weariness and frustration, sharing sentiments like "I wake up feeling discouraged about my workday," "Most days I feel overwhelmed," or "I want to quit and start over." Many leaders find themselves exhausted and overwhelmed, struggling to find joy and excitement in their work. The demands of consolidated roles and new working norms only intensify this issue. If you resonate with these feelings, maybe it is time for a reset—time to embark on a personal retreat to re-energize your spirit and revive your soul.

Fatigue in the workplace is real and often overlooked. It may be felt as a low mood (tiredness, weariness, lethargy), unfocused mental state (distraction, frustration, discomfort), or as an unpleasant bodily state, including headaches, tension, and vague pains in muscles and joints. In the medical circle, fatigue is known to have a direct relationship with and impact on an individual’s performance and wellbeing. Still, it is not given enough attention in workplace settings to determine the best way to minimize its interference on efficiency and productivity levels.

There are many possible reasons for burn out and fatigue in the workplace, but some common factors are:

1. Lack of control over your work, such as your schedule, assignments, or workload.
2. Lack of clarity about what is expected of you, or how to measure your performance.
3. Lack of support from your manager, co-workers, or organization.
4. Lack of balance between your work and personal life or feeling that your work is taking over your time and energy.
5. Lack of challenge or variety in your work or feeling that your work is not meaningful or rewarding.

Common Signs of a Worn-Out Leader:

1. Irritability and impatience over trivial matters.
2. Feeling easily distracted, even from enjoyable tasks.
3. Being described as moody by colleagues and friends.
4. Running out of energy before the day is done.
5. Frustration when things take longer than expected.
6. Not performing up to your normal ability.
7. Struggling to make definite decisions and stick to them.
8. Feeling wound up and unable to relax.
9. Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep.
10. Avoiding spending time with loved ones due to feeling drained.

Worn-out leaders often face three common challenges: comparison syndrome, people pleasing, and perfectionism syndrome. Let's explore each challenge and identify ways to overcome them.

Comparison Syndrome:

Comparison syndrome is the tendency to compare oneself to others and feel inadequate or unhappy as a result. Some signs of comparison syndrome in the workplace are:

1. Constantly comparing your performance, salary, or recognition to your colleagues.
2. Having a negative self-perception and feeling unworthy or incompetent.
3. Feeling jealous or envious of others’ achievements or opportunities.
4. Having low self-esteem and confidence in your abilities and skills.
5. Engaging in unhealthy competition or sabotage with your peers.
6. Having difficulty in celebrating others’ success or giving positive feedback.

Constantly comparing yourself to others can be detrimental, especially when you are on the verge of burnout. Stress tends to make us more self-critical, causing us to lose sight of our true selves. When we are in this state, it is crucial to stop and recognize our unique talents, capabilities, and contributions. While growth and improvement are essential, the best starting point is accepting, respecting, and appreciating what you have already accomplished, especially wins that were experienced despite the odds.

Your Next Step:

1. Focus on your own goals and progress and celebrate your achievements.
2. Make a list of 100 positive attributes about yourself. Ask a trusted friend to review the list and add any positive attributes you may have missed. Spend time reflecting on your positive characteristics and how you can utilize them more regularly.

People Pleasing:

People pleasing is the tendency to put others’ needs and expectations before your own, often at the expense of your well-being and happiness.

Do you suffer from "people pleasing"? Reflect on the following statements and see if they resonate with you:

1. Consistently working to impress others.
2. Saying yes when you really want to say no.
3. Seeking compliments and affirmations for validation.
4. Letting others dictate your priorities and activities.
5. Trying excessively hard to be nice.
6. Taking criticism personally.
7. Struggling to be firm and assertive.
8. Feeling immense guilt when someone is upset with you.
9. Apologizing unnecessarily.

While there is nothing wrong with being kind and accommodating, doing so out of fear of rejection or disapproval is not healthy.

Your Next Step: Examine your motives. It is natural to desire approval, but if this desire drives you to exhaustion, it is time to recalibrate your actions.

1. Focus on your own goals and values and pursue them with confidence and passion. People pleasing can distract you from your own aspirations and interests, and make you lose sight of what matters to you. Instead of trying to fit in or conform to others’ expectations, you can embrace your uniqueness and authenticity, and pursue your own vision and purpose. This will help you feel more fulfilled and motivated, and also inspire others to respect and appreciate you.
2. Set healthy boundaries and learn to say no assertively and respectfully. You have the right to decline requests or tasks that are unreasonable, unrealistic, or beyond your capacity. Saying no does not mean you are rejecting the person or the relationship, but rather that you are honoring your own limits and priorities. You can say no without making excuses or apologies and offer alternatives or compromises if possible.

Perfectionism Syndrome:

Perfectionism is the tendency to set excessively high standards for oneself and others, and to be dissatisfied with anything less than flawless results. It can be a source of motivation and quality, but it can also cause stress, anxiety, and reduced productivity.

Perfectionists often strive for the unattainable. Yet, at the core of perfectionism lies fear—fear of judgment, failure, and rejection. Overcoming perfectionism can be challenging, but here are a few principles to combat this syndrome:

1. Recognize the opportunity cost of perfectionism. Ask yourself if spending more time and effort on a task will make a significant difference in the outcome, or if you could use that time and energy more effectively elsewhere.
2. Calibrate your standards and expectations. You don’t have to lower your standards, but you can adjust them to be more realistic and attainable. Seek feedback from others to gauge if your standards are appropriate and reasonable.
3. Embrace mistakes and failures as learning opportunities. Instead of seeing them as signs of weakness or incompetence, see them as chances to improve and grow. Learn from your errors and apply the lessons to your future work.

Life is filled with expectations, both from ourselves and others. How we respond to these expectations determines our level of weariness. You need to stop allowing others to control you through their expectations and take charge of your own journey.

Your Next Step:

Focus on cultivating a growth mindset. A growth mindset is the belief that your abilities and skills can be developed through progressive effort and practice, rather than being fixed and innate. A growth mindset can help you overcome perfectionism by making you more open to challenges, feedback, and change. It can help you enjoy the process of learning and working, rather than the outcome. It also provides the opportunity to celebrate milestone wins.

Summary:

If you find yourself worn out and depleted, know that you are not alone. It is time to prioritize your well-being and rediscover your energy and purpose. Embrace the call to revitalize as a worn-out leader. Take a step back, reflect on your challenges, and implement the strategies outlined here. By recognizing comparison syndrome, the people pleasing phenomena, and perfectionism syndrome, you can break free from these patterns and embark on a journey of self-care and growth. Embrace the call to prioritize your well-being and rediscover the joy in your leadership role.

Remember, you have the power to reignite your passion, find joy in your work, and lead with renewed energy. Your growth and success are inevitable as you navigate the path to becoming a thriving and fulfilled leader.